This article limits itself to the various stages of growth known as childhood. Although psychological opinion varies as to the number of stages between infancy and semi-adulthood, I shall limit them to three. These are: omnipotent infancy, omnipresent childhood and functional socialisation

Omnipotent Infancy

Although the condition of being omnipotent is generally confined to the Deity, there is evidence that infants have an exaggerated, through not unearned, concept of their true powers. For example, a new born infant has no need to walk, to ask politely for something to eat, or to restrain any of its bodily functions. If it has to go anywhere there are all sorts of people willing to carry the burden. Dinner is a short scream away and there are numerous caregivers armed with papers and cloths to clean up the results of its bodily functions. Infants have no reason to suspect that the world doesn't revolve around their desires and needs, at least, not until potty training time comes and its time to enter the stage of omnipresent childhood.

This first stage involves sleeping and eating patterns. Is the infant going to be a Good baby and let its mother sleep or decide 3:00 AM is an optimum time for a snack? There is much to be said for the dysfunctional emotions evoked in a mother by an infant who deprives her of sleep. This is particularly effective in a household where mommy wants to breast feed her child and has to catch a bus to go to work. With a little luck, the infant could force her to bottle feed it and then come up with numerous allergies. It could also opt for the noise factor and scream all night long. Inconsolable, allergy prone infants tend to produce guilt ridden, frustrated caregivers. Such caregivers rarely make good role models for fledgling humans. There is evidence that difficult infants often exercise the option of becoming troubled children and proceed from there to be neurotic or profoundly irritating adults.

The Omnipresent Toddler

The second stage, omnipresent childhood, often begins with a battle of wills revolving around the potty-chair. The parent must be alert for the slightest indication that the infant needs to go or has gone. She needs to determine if it is being wilful in its refusal to utilise the potty-chair or if it has a bladder infection. As an omnipresent being, the toddlers presence must be universally recognised. Cultivating a great deal of attention from caregivers and child tenders is essential for its health and safety. It would never occur to the omnipresent child that there are places it shouldn't go or things it shouldn't get into.

From an adult perspective, the toddler needs constant watching; otherwise it could burn the house down, poison itself or destroy its grandmother's china figurines. Sometime during this stage the child will begin the life long task of self-expression and self-articulation. It will learn that pointing a finger and screaming is not a satisfactory method for getting a cookie and that mothers are not meant to be permanent beasts of burden. This tends to robs the child of that sense of power and privilege which characterise infancy and may prepare it for future dysfunctionalism.

Dysfunctional Options

One of the advantages of being a dysfunctional child is that one normally elicits a great deal of attention from the powers that be and the old adage that the squeaky wheel gets the most oil generally works. The point is, if you want to grow up to be a greedy, demanding, noisy, disruptive and self-absorbed adult, childhood is the best place to begin. This is not to say that there are no other dysfunctional options. A calm, placid, easy to get along with baby, might become a Pleaser. Such children are generally delightful creatures through their youth. Unfortunately, their capacity to make decisions, say no, assert their rights, or resist sexual predators can be diminished if not extinguished before they reach adulthood.

Another dysfunctional option, often exercised by quiet, unobtrusive children is that of Avoider. These children learn the fine art of not making waves, not being noticed, and turning invisible on cue. While this is a handy technique for coping with abusive parents, siblings and bullies, it doesn't facilitate decision making, assertiveness, or even knowing what one wants in life.

Gender Expectations

Prior to selecting a functional or dysfunctional life style, it is important if not essential for the child to pay close attention to its gender. Boys are generally expected to be noisier, more demanding, and difficult than girls. There is little scientific evidence to support this expectation, however cultural expectations rarely conforms to rules of evidence or scientific protocols. Such expectations generally reflect parental and social biases. Such as the foolish notion that females are less combative than males! They also establish a pattern for socialisation; a method for evaluating the effectiveness of parental role modelling and gender identification

Once you have established your gender type, you can conform to cultural expectations and be a good little boy or girl. However, during the stage of omnipotent infancy issues relating to eating, sleeping, noise and how well your growth compares to that of other infants is far more significant than gender expectations. A good baby will sleep all night, eat its vegetables, smile on cue and walk earlier than any other infant on the block. It will initiate potty training and never, never smear faecal material on the neighbour's drapes. The good baby will be successful when its parents enter it into Pretty Baby contests and it wins a commercial TV contract featuring Gerber's or Pampers baby products.

As a baby passes into omnipresent childhood, it can build on these successes or select a variety of dysfunctional options. For example, if you are a girl you can conform to a masculine model. You can be noisy, insist on playing with electronic equipment (the VCR is an excellent and easily accessible piece of equipment for a toddler) and demand war toys for Christmas. However, if you choose this path, you must never return home with clean, undamaged clothing or volunteer to look after younger siblings. This is a difficult path for a girl; however, the ancient archetype of the Amazon is an excellent guide.

Amazon Warrior Or Daddy's Little Girl

According to legend, Amazons were women whose only use for men was as breeding stock. The Amazons were great warriors, respected and feared throughout the Greek world. They would rather die than be married and were great archers. They only valued the strength and agility of their physical form and were reputed to cut off their right breast so it would not interfere when they pulled their bows drawstring. Although this self-mutilation sounds a bit extreme, its no worse than the countless numbers of modern females who try to starve themselves to death in order to conform to our cultural devotion to scrawniness. If being an Amazon or rebelling against modern formulas for good little girls is not your cup on tea, you have several other dysfunctional options. You may choose a traditional female role.

The time-honoured path to traditional womanhood entails compliance, helplessness, and silence. It is also necessary to be aware of what They might say! The ubiquitous They can be your neighbours, your peer group, your parent's peer group or a giant, amorphous, anonymous blob. To conform to the traditional role, you need to play quietly with your dolls, worship your father, be of assistance to your mother, and other adults and keep your white dresses white. It is not advisable to speak out in class or show off skills, knowledge or talents in public. You are permitted to cry a lot (though never swear) and when you want something whining is the approved mechanism. As a traditional female, you need to depend on the good will and opinions of others and repress any drive towards self-reliance.

You may form your own ideas about things as long as you remember that the opinion of male authority figures is always better than yours. You are expected to develop a psychic awareness of what people want from you, particularly men, and what might happen if you don't conform to expectations. Developing an exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions and feelings of others is part of this role and with any luck you might grow up to enjoy a co-dependent relationship. You will know that you are well on the way to filling this role if you are burdened with fear, anxiety, and a feeling that you are to blame for everything that goes wrong.

The Final Stage

By the time many children enter third grade, they are convinced of their inability to function adequately within the classroom or the schoolyard. This might be due to inadequate parental modelling. A parent who never opens a book might not relate to their child's desire to read. It could also be traced to the child's temperament; an emotionally sensitive boy might be considered a sissy because he doesn't defend himself against bullies or occasionally cries.

Birth Order Blues

I do not believe such differences necessarily hold if there is a gender distinction. However, unlike myself, my younger brother bore no resemblance to a bookworm and made a lot of friends. I've also been informed that the middle child tends to be socially rather than family oriented. This may be to avoid the bullying, authoritative tactics of the senior sibling or simply because parents focus more attention on their first and last-born child.

If you are the baby of the family, you are likely to develop a charming, manipulative, occasionally self-centred personality. Parents are inclined to cater to your needs and whims and you will have the dubious distinction of being the least likely to grow up child in the family. Some might even call you spoilt; however you are predisposed to expressiveness and creativity. Unlike the overly serious, authoritarian oldest child, or the detached, socially agreeable middle child, you have the gift of personality and can be self-absorbed and a delightful companion simultaneously.

The Single Child

However, in this era of birth pills and population control, we have the increasing phenomenon of the single child. I've often envied those who did not have to contend with the aggravation of younger siblings and I've been told not having to compete with a horde of pushy, dictatorial older brothers and sisters would be perfect. Unfortunately, the only child has no shield to protect her from the expectations and demands of her parents. She can not exercise authority over younger siblings, neither will their influence prepare her for social interaction, and loneliness can be the result. I understand only children tend to be perfectionists, somewhat introverted and often very hard on themselves. Perhaps the tyranny of familial expectations rests heavily on the only child. Nevertheless, the fact that she doesn't have to compete with siblings for parental attention and applause can give her a head start when it comes to coping with the adult world.