Foundations

Foundations

Bird Ball

On the writing of my book

On May 26, 1998, I looked for the file containing the third draft of my book. The computer informed me it didn't exist! Since I spent the previous month working on it and religiously pressed the save button every other paragraph, the attitude of the machine was perplexing. I called my friend Bruce and we spent about 20 hours searching for the elusive file. We found material preceding the birth of my IBM, PS/1, 386SX and files dating from the last owner, however my lovely rewrite was nowhere to be found.

Bruce suggested that time travellers had stolen my book in order to prevent some future catastrophe. He also thought that aliens seeking the benefit of my insight into the human condition might have appropriated it. I expressed the opinion that my computer doesn't like me and God is punishing me for presuming to write this kind of book! After all, I didn't major in theology or pastoral counselling in university and I don't have a post-graduate degree. However, computer failures, or a lack of academic qualifications aside, I am a very obstinate person and have no intention of giving up my literary ambitions.

I decided to label the introductory chapter of my book Foundations because there is something about the word, Introduction that turns me off. I rarely read an introduction and suspect most readers are equally neglectful. Perhaps, my use of the word Foundations will encourage someone to actually read it, although I am aware many readers prefer to begin a book in the middle and casually skim through its contents. I even know some people who flip to the final pages in order to determine if it is a tragedy or one of those happy ever after romances.

Never the less, I think a casual perusal of this chapter will be useful. It clarifies the style, format and subject matter of the book. It may give you insight into the authors motives, her literary peculiarities and terms of reference. You might even discover that this book is not worth your time or attention. Though, considering the amount of energy invested in it, I surely hope not.

A great deal of effort is involved in the writing of any book. The author has to come up with a subject, carefully research the topic and develop her ideas. She has to clarify and connect these ideas in a logical, lucid and entertaining fashion. Then it is necessary to engage in the kind of clairvoyance that advertising executives normally do. She has to spin her ideas and make them appear original, enticing and acceptable to publishers and the public. This is not easy! Trying to tap a market that only exists in ones imagination is a painful, exhausting and frustrating ordeal.

This is why this author expects something other than good reviews and royalties. She expects the reader to pay attention to what she is saying, to understand it and to agree with it! She would also like to change the world, to appear on a lot of talk shows and to be in demand as a motivational speaker. However, right now, she would be delighted if her computer didn't swallow the text again and ecstatic if some sympathetic publisher actually looked at it.

My writing is an exercise in egocentricity, after all, what does an unemployed grandmother have to offer the literary world? Like most of the five billion people inhabiting this fragile sphere, I am an unknown. I don't make large contributions to political parties, pay union fees or even demonstrate for an end to land mines. Being poor, I am a lousy consumer, have never owned a credit card, a house or a car. I don't even have a drivers license! So what makes me believe that anyone would be interested in what I have to say about life? What motivates my effort if not an over-active ego or an inflated sense of my singular importance?

Perhaps the one thing I have in common with more qualified authors is the desire to share my thoughts and ideas with a broader audience than family and friends. I believe most of us want to leave some kind of a legacy behind. We want people to know that we existed, laughed, cried and lived our lives as best we could. Perhaps this is why some of us carve our initials on schoolroom desks and scar up the neighbourhood with banal graffiti and colourful signatures.

This brings me to that most dreaded of all topics, namely, how am I going approach my subject? Anyone who has ever confronted an empty canvass, a blank piece of paper or an audience knows what I am talking about. Stage fright is not limited to the performing arts, every time a person expresses a thought, a feeling or voices a passionate conviction she or he runs the risk of being rejected or misunderstood. Perhaps this is why many people would rather charge a machine gun nest than deliver a five-minute speech. Putting a personal spin on an idea isn't that difficult, however, expressing it in a stimulating and relevant fashion is! How do I draw your attention? How do I keep it? I'm scared stiff at the prospect of creation, for all I am doing is reiterating theories, concepts and beliefs which are as old as Western civilisation.

Did any of you notice how cleverly I avoided telling you about the topic of this book? A psychological term for this is distracting; a relatively subtle defence technique designed to direct attention away from a source of anxiety and personal concern. This brings me to my basic topic, not distraction or defensive techniques, but how to live a life of your own.

This is one of those awful self-help books! Originally, I was going to call it,

THE ULTIMATE SELF-HELP BOOK!

In the interests of humility, I decided to be a little less pretentious and simply rely on my sincere desire to convey what I know about sanity, spirituality and having a life. Although, I decided to name my book,
SAVING YOUR SOUL,
I lack messianic qualifications or evangelical aspirations.

However, I believe our lives and our communities would improve if people paid more attention to spiritual and ethical decisions, and became conscious of their inner selves. I think this is the primary motive behind most self-help books and if we simply learned to be attentive to and in touch with our spiritual natures, I seriously doubt that such books would be necessary.

Judging from crime and divorce statistics, some people don't seem to want a life of their own, refuse to embrace sanity and think spirituality is a scare technique designed to keep temperamental types in line. The whole issue of spirituality attracts all sorts of definitions, disciplines, notions and various fantasies. I hesitate to offer any definition of spirituality or sanity because I believe that to define a thing, to place it in a nice little pigeonhole is to kill its real meaning and its implications. Sanity, spirituality and having a life are living processes not philosophical categories.

Basically, it is up to each of us to decide what these things mean and how to manifest them in our life. Nevertheless, dictionary buffs and crossword fanatics might feel more comfortable if I let them in on my ideas about the real meaning of being sane, spiritual and having a life.

Being Sane, is to reflect on your actions and attitudes and to consider their consequences. The process of sanity entails honesty and reflection.

Spirituality involves being in touch with your inner self, recognising what is sacred about life and committing yourself to a higher calling than mere existence. This process requires a healthy sense of wonder, an awareness of the mystery of life and a love of beauty.

Finally, having a life means to determine your needs and desires and assume responsibility for fulfilling them. This process involves creativity, independence and courage.

When I was in school, my teachers despaired over my inability to write an outline or to break free of my stream of consciousness writing style. I am a spontaneous speaker, and watercolorist and this extemporaneous tendency flows over into my writing. Therefore, I hope you will forgive my periodic digressions into myth, fable, biography, and long-winded rambling.

I have a built in prejudice against counsellors and therapists who use their clients' lives to illustrate a point or promote a theory. Therefore, I will draw heavily on my own experience and imagination. The majority of people I refer to in my writing are composites of people and situations I am familiar with.

I don't expect everyone to agree with my ideas or even understand my point of view. Each of us is writing our own life script, and has a unique perspective on how to do so. Human beings are idiosyncratic creatures, diverse in their opinions and experience. However, we share common biological, cultural and personal experiences. We experience the same feelings, encounter similar challenges, and suffer the same end as other living creatures. This is why our diversity does not negate our essential unity as members of the human family.

Next Chapter 1 Blesings and Curses: The Family Matrix