The Magic Bullet

The Magic Bullet and Other Quests

To dream the impossible dream, To wave that magic wand, find the perfect love, the right job, the treasure at the end of the rainbow. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everything worked the way we wanted? Wouldn't it be even better if we didn't have to exert ourselves to make it so?

The Arch-nemesis of Writers

Occasionally, I run into the arch-nemesis of writers, no...not critics and publishers, it's a "writers block. I feel as though a giant blob takes up residence in my cerebral cortex and the demonic forces of anxiety, procrastination, insecurity and apathy hold my creativity, hostage. Like so many creative, intelligent under-achievers I keep searching for a familiar, comfortable means to make my life happen. When I don't find the magic key or way to achieve my objectives, I freeze up, loose confidence and slip back into the familiar role of under-achiever. It is a role I know well. I have invested a lot of time and energy in it.

Forces of Apathy

It takes nearly as much energy to give in to the forces of apathy, insecurity and procrastination as it does to defeat ones private devils. Cultivating an "it doesn't matter, nobody would like it, anyway" and "I'll do it later" attitude requires a massive repression of creative drives. However, I fell into the habit of excuse making, self negation and procrastination in my youth and find it difficult to change. I believe most peoples lives are governed by habit, habit makes things easy and familiar. When we are guided by our habits we don't have to think, innovate, struggle or look for new ways of doing things. Because the role habit plays in our lives is so insidious, we rarely recognize how much energy is expended doing things the same old way. Because of the comfort and security of familiar patterns, habitual ways of thinking and acting, we tend to either reject change or demand that it comes with all the ease and speed of a magic bullet.

One of my old clients, (I'll call him Paul) was totally devoted to the notion of personal growth . He longed for a new life and spent considerable time trying to find the best way to achieve this. For months, Paul sought my guidance, and advice on nearly every aspect of his life. He would take extensive notes on what I had to say and invariably expressed his gratitude and appreciation for my assistance. During this time, Paul moved every two or three months. He black listed his parents, dropped out of school, changed his occupation and his girl friends several times. When I pointed out he seemed to equate personal growth and change with leaving things and people behind, Paul agreed. He was looking for that magical situation where everything felt right and came together for him. Inevitably, he dropped me as a counsellor, explaining he had found this wonderful guide, whose presence could change his life and way of being.

Ten years later, I met Paul on the bus. He was still the same warm, hopeful, optimistic soul, still searching for enlightenment, still looking for the perfect place, the right job, the loving relationship. He was positive that enlightenment was right around the corner and all he had to do was find the right teacher or method to achieve it.

The Quest

Paul's quest for a magical solution is not especially unusual in a society which expects instant gratification, immediate results, or custom made solutions fitted to our particular personalities and circumstances. Because of peoples instinctive resistance to the radical alteration of a familiar way of life, we look for the easiest and least painful method for dealing with problems. A classic example of the magic bullet quest comes from the epic of Gilgamesh, an all too human hero of ancient Mesopotamia.

Gilgamesh, was the rather lusty king of Uruk,(circa 3500 BC). He drove the city fathers mad with his habit of sexually assaulting the attractive women and girls of Uruk. Gilgamesh was so powerful, no one dared to say No to him and attempts to distract him with the more acceptable temple harlots apparently failed. Finally, the men of the city petitioned the Gods to raise up a hero who could restrain or divert Gilgamesh. They figured their King needed an equal to teach him a lesson . The Gods, for once, complied with their request and created a wild man, a shaggy monster by the name of Enkidu. Enkidu roamed the fields and pastures outside of Uruk, completely ignorant of his human nature. The city fathers enticed Enkidu to come into the city and challenge Gilgamesh's leadership through that most ancient of lures, the sexual skills of a well trained whore.

Once Enkidu tasted the delights of the feminine form, he lost his innocence and became conscious of his human desires. Unfortunately, Gilgamesh considered the women of Uruk as his private stock and was not very happy with the news of Enkidu's sexual potency. Like most God-kings and some of my ex-boyfriends, Gilgamesh had an inflated attitude regarding his rights and felt obliged to prove his superiority through beating the hell out of Enkidu. However, the Gods had created a worthy opponent for Gilgamesh and neither could overcome the other . If Gilgamesh were a lesser man instead of a semi-divine hero, or Enkidu was a blood thirsty monster instead of a relatively lusty mortal, it is unlikely they would have become bosom buddies. But sometimes the Gods are wise and Gilgamesh and Enkidu became the best of friends.

The tale of a magical solution to the problems of Uruk's virgins and wives could have ended here, except for the fact that Gilgamesh's epic quest has nothing to do with his sexual appetite or even his friendship with Enkidu. In the story, Enkidu became ill and died in spite of everything his agonized friend could do. The grieving Gilgamesh finally recognized his own mortality and realized unless he could discover the secret of immortality he would eventually become weak, grow old and die. The rest of Gilgamesh's epic recounts his heroic quest, crossing the sea of death, reaching the only survivor of the Flood, Ut-napishtim who told him where to find the magic plant of eternal life. Gilgamesh managed to procure the plant, but exhausted by his long journey, he stopped to take a bath and a serpent stole the plant of immortality. The 4,000 year old story ends with Gilgamesh weeping

Gilgamesh's epic quest has everything a producer requires to create a marvelous adventure film . There are noble heroes, some very sexy ladies, true friendship, death, violence and even tragedy in it. Skillful editing could transform this epic into an action filled drama complete with a happy ending (as long as it stopped before the serpent grabbed the plant of immortality.) It is difficult not to feel sympathy for Gilgamesh, after all he was a hero and worked damn hard to gain the secret of eternal life. One might believe he was cheated out of his just reward and life isn't fair, not even for heroes. Others might argue Gilgamesh didn't deserve immortality, that he was immoral, sexually promiscuous, a bully and only concerned with extending his own life. Why should Gilgamesh live forever, when the gods had decreed death for the rest of humanity?

Dreams and Advocations

No matter what our opinion is regarding Gilgamesh's quest or character; the desire for a substance which can indefinitely extend life and restore youth is one of the great dreams of humanity. Gilgamesh may have been the first in a long line of heroic explorers seeking to conquer death, old age, and all the ills of the human condition, but he certainly will not be the last. Personally, I agree with Bruce Cockren who wrote, "I believe its a sin for anything to last forever..." However, the question of how to live, what to do with in the confines of our mortal span is one all of us must answer.

Such an answer need not be conscious, well articulated, nor even understandable. It could serve the most disgusting or the most sublime of motives. It might be expressed in the way we conduct our daily affairs or it could be dramatized in some great act. One might strive to express a spiritual, humanistic or heroic avocation. Conversely, one could choose to play it safe and settle for comfort, convenience and material security.

Like my friend Paul, your answer might take the form of a quest and you could become a seeker after magic solutions . You could emulate Ponce de Leon, who led his fellow conquistadors through the swamps of Florida in a fruitless search for the fountain of youth and cryogenic entrepreneurs in their quest to defeat the specters of illness, senility and death. I find the latter particularly curious, for even if were possible to deep freeze a sick, dying or dead person in hopes of future resuscitation and cure, what makes them think future generations would want to expend medical resources on an antique, frozen corpse?

Our Unique Journey

Irrespective of how one chooses to answer the ultimate questions of existence, whether one becomes a lotus eater, a devotee of the Kama Sutra, or a practitioner of occult crafts, each of us is engaged in a unique journey through life. However, beneath the egocentric, individualistic facades which dictate our reactions , we draw from a grand repertoire of mythic themes. Such themes underwrite our quest for meaning, for purpose, for explanations and ultimately, for understanding what being alive is all about.

One step in being sane, spiritual and having a life of your own is to identify your particular theme or themes. Another step is to decide if your particular myth is worth living and how best to express it.

Pretend you discovered your life incorporated a number of conflicting themes. You might be living out the illicit romance of Lancelot and Guinevere, while, like King Arthur, you are trying to create a kingdom where justice and nobility ruled. Imagine constantly striving to fight evil forces, uphold the rights of the weak and remain faithful to your ideals, while lusting after your best friends mate and being betrayed by those you trusted. Consider the terrible guilt shared by Lancelot and Guinevere after the fall of Camelot. A guilt that separated and drove them into exile. Picture Guinevere expiating her sins in the prison of a nunnery and Lancelot seeking redemption in the solitude of a hermitage. Then there is Merlin, seduced by a beautiful, young sorceress who tricked him out of his magic and destroyed him with it. Finally we have King Arthur, deceived by his wife, betrayed by his best friend, abandoned by his teacher and finally murdered by his bastard son/nephew. The myth is not a pleasant one, yet the dream of Camelot, and the stories of King Arthur, Lancelot, the knights of the round table, and Merlin have fascinated people for a 1000 years.

The great myths almost always have a tragic quality, they rarely end happily and they most definitely don't provide us with magic solutions. Hector's body was dragged around the walls of Troy in full sight of his mother and father by a vengeful Achilles, who in turn was killed by Paris, Hector's brother and the instigator of the Trojan war. Even the greatest of Greek Heroes, Hercules, son of the king of the Gods, was poisoned by his wife and ended up being burnt alive in order to escape the pain of mortal life. It is said that once Hercules ascended to Olympus he was reconciled with his arch enemy, Hera (his fathers wife) and married her daughter, Hebe. His story had a happy ending, but how many of us are willing to perform the Labours of Hercules?

Perhaps the great themes of myth and legend are overly dramatic and excessively difficult for simple mortals to emulate. Maybe our chief ambition boils down to staying comfortable, not rocking the boat and owning as many electronic toys as possible. Maybe, we just want to have fun and to hell with being heroic figures. As much as I sympathize with those who want a conflict free life, I have yet to find anybody whose life doesn't involve challenges, changes and difficulties. Furthermore, the mythic themes which underwrite or undermine our lives aren't necessarily heroic.

Consider Sleeping Beauty

As an infant she had everything going for her, blessed by beauty, affection, grace, a sweet singing voice and parents who only wanted the best for her. The only shadow on her horizon was the curse of a spiteful old fairy who was really upset over not being invited to her christening party. The nasty creature said that when the young beauty reached the age of puberty she would prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die. Naturally, Sleeping Beauty's parents outlawed all spinning and all spinning wheels in the kingdom.

I'm not sure how they managed to keep themselves, their subjects and their daughter in clothes and I'm equally sure that the members of the spinners union really felt put out over the outlawing of their craft. However, its not easy to interfere with a fairy's curse and on her 15th birthday Sleeping Beauty pricked her finger and to all intents and purposes was dead to the world for one hundred years. Her castle was surrounded by a hedge of thorns, which impaled all the would be heros who sought entry into Sleeping Beauty's kingdom. Eventually, she was rescued by a true hero, who cut his way through the hedge, and kissed the beautiful princess awake. However, how much pain could have been averted, how many impaled princes would have lived out their lives if Sleeping Beauty's doting (or doltish) parents had extended their invitation to the less pleasant members of the fairy community?

I've met quite a few would be Sleeping Beauty's, lovely young things who fell asleep upon entering puberty and were waiting for the kiss of Mr. Right to wake them up and show them how to live. How many of us play the waiting game? We wait for the handsome young man, the beautiful girl, the patron or mentor who will show us what to do. We wait for the right opportunity, the right moment, the right job. Where is that fairy godmother, who will wave her wand and make everything all right? Likewise, how many of us lock ourselves behind the high walls and thorny hedges of exclusivity, privacy and self-interest?

Guardian Angels?

People often attempt to expel or exclude anything or anyone who might upset or alter their lives or neighborhood. Merchants in Victoria petition City Hall to outlaw panhandling, remove benches where street people might congregate and insist on ordinances to prevent bongo-playing or sitting on the sidewalk. "Get Tough" legislators declare war on a common weed and spend billions trying to eradicate it, creating a criminal sub culture in the process. Neighborhood associations spring up when a halfway house or home for the mentally impaired threatens to lower property values. We expect our guardian angels: politicians, police, security guards and law makers to protect us from the visible evidence of insanity, poverty, homelessness and anything which is contrary to our sense of the way things ought to be.

I wonder if official denial, social invisibility and legislation is the modern equivalent of the mythical magic bullet. Is it possible to solve social and personal problems by denying, ignoring or condemning them? Who am I to argue against such time honored practices? Like Sleeping Beauty's parents and Gilgamesh, I would rather avoid and deny the perils of mortality than accept my vulnerability. Unfortunately, I also know that the more I try to avoid the fears and the difficulties which unpleasant people and circumstances place in my path the less freedom I have. Being sane, being spiritual and having a life doesn't mean playing it safe or expecting others to supply you with a solution.

High Path of Consciousness

If you would pursue the high path of consciousness and discover your personal theme, it would be useful to investigate your assumptions, beliefs and fantasies. Like myself, you might find it useful to study myth and folklore and identify familiar or appealing themes. You just might find a heroic figure buried deep inside your psyche, a clever Odysseus seeking his way home, a patient Penelope preserving her virtue and household from the rampages of greedy suitors. You could discover a wise Socrates, a compassionate Mother Teresa or a sensual Aphrodite lurking in your unconscious. Unfortunately, it is no less possible to uncover a greedy King Minas, a brutal Genghis Khan, a jealous Hera, or seductive Salome hiding behind the screen of ego, trying to direct the action.

Psychoanalyst,Carl Jung wrote extensively about the collective unconscious, the reservoir of the experience of the human race. The inhabitants of this mysterious realm, Archetypes, represent primitive modes of thought and personalize the motives, concepts, and common experiences of humanity. Among their number are the Great Mother, the Terrible Father, the Noble Hero, and the Shadow, an archetype which symbolizes everything we are afraid of, reject and despise. The popular image of the monster, the psychopathic killer, and the adversary is generated through its influence. The personal themes and collective archetypes which animate our souls are numerous and often contradictory. They are inclined to foster simplistic approaches to complex problems and may account for our naive longing for magic bullet solutions or malicious conspiracies and enemies to take the blame for our misfortunes.

Jungian archetypes are valuable in the field of fantasy writing, humanistic inspiration, the investigation of individual obsessions and social delusions. Nevertheless, they can undermine personal awareness and promote self-defeating behavior. It may be difficult to identify the personal and archetypal motifs which underwrite consciousness and impossible to unlock all of their secrets. However, the heroes, the villains, the values, and the visions, promulgated by ones culture offer some clues.

Popular Culture and The Real World

Popular culture: the beliefs, customs, values and entertainment of a society, is supported and reinforced through books, movies, sporting events, music, and the omnipresent guardian of the living room, television. Actresses and actors, rock stars and athletes, fictional characters and celebrities are no less role models than our parents and peers. By illustrating heroic or villainous themes they tell us how to behave, what to avoid, and what the real world is like. For example, even though the level of violent crime has actually diminished over the past decade, the purchase of security devices, the demand for suburban police patrols and harsh punishment for malefactors has increased. Is it possible Hollywood's police dramas and right wing demagogues anxious to capitalize on public misconceptions dictate our perception of crime?

The craving for a wise, courageous leader, for a hero who can face down the forces of darkness or the ideal wife, mother or sweetheart is an all too human longing. Storytellers and movie makers capitalize on these desires. People search for a Luke Skywalker, a Rocky Balboa, a Maid Marian or a Xena, the warrior princess, hoping to recapture the innocent confidence that good is stronger than evil and courage, strength, persistence and love are more than empty fantasies. However, the media is all too ready to poke holes in our leaders reputations and the flaws and failings of would be heroes and heroines are more likely to attract our attention than their achievements. The news is full of children who murder parents who abuse, and investment brokers who swindle. It is difficult to trust or serve anything except ones self-interest. Caught between the harsh reality of economic down turns, political impotence and family breakdowns, we turn away from romantic idealism and religious faith or seek magic solutions to preserve our dreams.

Transcending Cynicism & Naivete

It is possible, and necessary to our emotional health to transcend the cynicism of the disappointed romantic or the naivete of the true believer. One means to accomplish this is to recall the ideals, the expectations, and the dreams of youth. Who were your favorite villains and heroes? What kind of books, movies and television serials still draw your attention? Do you spend more time watching and listening to the news, than you do questioning the premises of the broadcasters? Do you ignore what is going on in the lives of associates, friends and family or actively inquire into their health and well being? Do you believe you can make a difference in peoples lives? Do you even want to? Have the anxieties and specters of childhood been transmuted into the phobias and guilt of adulthood? Has youthful optimism been realized in mature accomplishment?

Each stage of development, each quest, has its own guidelines and challenges. A child needs confident, loving parents, caregivers and teachers. An adolescent needs room to grow mentors to emulate and the support of friends during her transition into adulthood. An elder needs to let go of the image and ambitions of youth and gracefully accept the wisdom of mature experience. Each individual soul has her own quest, no two journeys are identical.
Sanity, spirituality, and autonomy rest on the bedrock of acceptance, respect, affection and support. Accepting ones self, ones life, and the people in it as they are instead of the way one wants them to be is the key to inner peace and detachment. Those of us, who respect themselves and the rights of others, are unlikely to pursue a corrupt or destructive lifestyle. Affection, love and appreciation nurture self-esteem and wins the support of others. Finally, the illusion that one can do it all on ones own, that people actually pull themselves up by their bootstraps flies in the face of reality. Each of us can use a little help from our friends and membership in the human community entails mutual support and reinforcement.

Most of us are familiar with these principles. I seriously doubt if any conscious person would reject the ideal of acceptance, respect, affection and support. However, it is a lot easier to talk the talk, than walk the walk. Incorporating such principles into ones life requires practice and self-discipline.The path toward enlightenment, the means by which we become sane, spiritual and have a life of our own is neither effortless nor impractical. I also believe that cultivating appreciation of the great teachers of spiritual evolution and investigating their wisdom is equally important. So I will finish this chapter with a Buddhist story.

Gotami and the Buddha

Her name was Gotami and she had given birth to a son. But when that son of hers was old enough to run and play, he died. Sorrow sprang up inside of Gotami, sorrow too great to bear and she took her son on her hip and went from one house to another, saying, "My son is sick! Give me medicine for my son!" When the people heard this, they said, "Whoever heard of medicine for the dead?" Then they clapped their hands and laughed. But Gotami didn't have the slightest idea what they meant.

A certain wise man saw her and thought: this poor woman must have been driven out of her mind by sorrow for her son. But the Buddha, the enlightened one, is likely to know which medicine can cure her. So he said," "Woman, as for medicine for your son, there is no one who knows save the Enlightened One, The Buddha. He lives at a neighboring monastery. Go to Him and ask."

Once again Gotami took her son on her hip, and stood in the outer circle of the monastery congregation when the Buddha was in the teachers pulpit. And then she said, "O Exalted One, give me medicine for my son!"
The Wise One, the Teacher said," You did well, Gotami, in coming here for medicine. Go, enter the city, go to all the houses and from a house where no one has ever died, bring me tiny grains of mustard seed."
Delighted, she entered the city and at the very first house said:" The Exalted One, the Great Teacher bids me fetch tiny grains of mustard seed for medicine for my son. Give me tiny grains of mustard seed."
They brought her the seeds, but then she learned that someone had died in the house and she could not take the seed. Gotami then went to the second house and to the third and learned that it was impossible to count the dead, there being so many.
Then she thought:" This must be the way of the entire city. The Wise one, The Buddha," full of love and compassion must have seen my sorrow and my need!"
Liberated from her madness and overcome with emotion, Gotami left the city and carried her son to the burning ground. Holding him in her arms, she said: "Darling child, I thought you alone had been stolen by this thing men call death. But you are not the only one, for this is a law common to all mankind."
Then she left her son in the burning-ground and went back to her teacher, the Buddha.

One of my cherished beliefs, themes or myths is the idea that certain great souls, Divine messengers, Manifestations of God, or Prophets periodically come to illuminate the souls of those who wish to learn from them. I believe the Buddha is one of those Divine Messengers and his great lesson is the essential connection between acceptance of death and developing an outgoing compassion toward all living beings, who like the inhabitants of the city, Gotami, her son, and ourselves suffer pain, sickness and death.

Adolescence, Sex & Madness