Identity & Affiliation

An adolescents primary task is to acquire a sense of identity. In addition to the desire for privacy and personal freedom, questions of "Who and I" and "Why am I here?" become paramount in the Teens mindset. The stage is set for romantic idealism, and questions about justice, freedom, God, religion and the status quo are raised. Such questions and sensitivity regarding moral, ethical and humanistic values are indications of spiritual development. However, questions relating to sex, love, peer group status and affiliation are equally important. The latter seems critical to the teenagers sense of self and this may be why they are so open to peer pressure.

Although adolescents often raise the banners of personal freedom, and the right to do my own thing, Ive noticed that thing bears an uncanny resemblance to what ones peers are up to! This adolescent fixation may lay the ideological foundation for the adult game of preserving appearances or keeping up with the Jones.

The War between The Sexes

Sexual issues also dominate the adolescents thinking, albeit with a great divergence between male and female perspectives. Girls seem to interpret sexual activity as evidence of a deep, relatively permanent, relationship. Boys favor the more casual definition of having fun or unadulterated lust. Although young womens consensus on sexual relationships may have drawn closer to that of the male in recent years, I feel that the historical division between men and women still holds. In other words, I am inclined to believe the establishment of a massive gender gap is an accomplished fact by the end of adolescence. One might say that males and females become members of separate species, each belonging to distinct and often antagonistic cultures.

The war between the sexes was well established in the Neolithic (about 10,000 BC) but lacking a time machine I can't attest to the its form. According to some researchers, the oppression of the female race coincided with the advent of highly organized warfare and a hierarchical social structure. One only needs to study the Old Testament and its peculiar laws regarding the capture of females to realize the connection between warfare and sexual oppression.

Tradition & Oppression

"When you go forth to war against your enemies, and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands, and you take them captive, And see among the captives a beautiful woman and you desire her, and would have her for yourself as a wife; then you shall bring her home to your house; and she shall shave her head and pare her nails; And she shall put off the clothes of her captivity and shall remain in your house, and mourn for her father and her mother a full month; and after that you shall go into her and be her husband; and she shall be your wife. And it shall be, if you have no delight in her, then you shall let her go where she will; but you shall not sell her at all for money; you shall not make a harlot of her, for sake of a gain, because you have humbled her." (Deuteronomy, Ch. 21, 10-14.)

In other words, before an Israelite warrior was allowed to have sex with a female captive, she was to shave her head, cut her nails, reflect on the death or slaughter of her parents for a month and get rid of her clothing. However, the mere act of having sex with the conqueror would protect her from being sold or turned into a whore. This was a rather merciful treatment considering that when the conquering horde of Israelites descended upon a city they often killed every living person:

"And we utterly destroyed them, as we did to Sihon the king of Heshbon, for we utterly destroyed all his cities, even the women and the little ones."(Deuteronomy; Ch3, v.6)

Dependency and Manipulation

The well-established role of man as warrior, head of household, priest, rapist, killer and plunderer is firmly based on Biblical precedent. However, the role of woman seemed to be that of victim, captive, wife, mother, harlot and widow. The tradition of female dependency on the good will, social status, and sexual tastes of the male probably precedes the Old Testament. This dependency is no longer in vogue, and has incited the ire of new age men and female liberationists. However, it has lost little of its potency when it comes to manipulating the self-image of immature and vulnerable girls.

So powerful is the union between sexual drives and traditional feminine compliance, many young women place more emphasis on attracting and pleasing men than on becoming independent and self-sufficient. This brings us to another aspect of adolescent development, that of sexual awareness. Young girls are generally antagonistic to the notion of being held prisoner by a brutish, arrogant, self-centered mate. Nevertheless, between the ages of 14 and 18 they fall prey to the notion that having a partner, a boy friend, or a lot of "dates" is the measure of their worthiness.

Illusion & Sexual Power

Even those of us who escaped the trap of premature sexual activity, the painful groping and fumbling in the back seat, or the horror of discovering the only thing "HE" is interested in is our barely nubile bodies, are apt to fall prey to the delusion of physical beauty. A young woman learns that having unblemished skin, seductive clothing, a stylishly slender body, and beautifully long hair are infinitely more important than high math scores, career ambitions or good grades. Part of the madness of the adolescent female is the idea that "She" is responsible for the sexual arousal of the male and that she is capable of controlling his feelings and behavior.

The confusion of personal power with sex, multiple relationships, and love can become a life long illusion. As one 15 year old told me, "I know he loves me more than her, because we did it last night!" The girl to whom she was referring was her best friend and she didnt seem to feel any conflict between sleeping with her best friends boyfriend and preserving their friendship.

Boys Have Trouble Too

While the adolescent female seems intent on attracting the male of the species, stuffing her wardrobe, experimenting with hair color, styles and hanging out with her peers, the male has problems of his own. Although young women are commonly encouraged to select an economic or career goal in life, such selection and preparation takes second place to unconscious yearnings regarding love, children and family. However, during a males sexual peak around age 19 he is expected to commit himself to an economic objective.

Prior to the industrial revolution a young boy would learn a trade from his father or go through an apprenticeship. His family could buy him a commission in the military or send him to school where he could become a scholar or a cleric. Up to the 18Th century, members of the upper classes generally looked down on those in trade or business.

Today the notion of having your own business or working in someone elses shop is generally preferred over military service. Nevertheless, economic status instead of physical beauty and emotional commitments measure a mans value in society. This peculiar standard contributes to the chasm separating men and women and could account for antagonism, prejudice and misunderstanding between the sexes.

Peer Pressure & Social Acceptability

The peculiar dynamics of peer group or gang activity are almost as foreign to adult authority as they are to that perpetual looser, the outsider, the lone wolf or the weird kid who just doesn't fit in. Who and what determines social acceptability in the esoteric domain of adolescent rat packs is well beyond me. I suspect it has a lot to do with physical appearance, access to the family car, the right kind of clothes, and mastery of that most poignant of teenage issues, cash flow.

After a certain age, girls and boys seem to gravitate towards each other flaunting their respective muscles and zit free complexions. Questions of who did what to whom and what is the appropriate age for losing your virginity become major topics in female circles, nearly as important as hair styling, fashion, diet and makeup. Having never gained admittance to the boys club, I can only surmise that their conversations revolve around sports, auto mechanics, chicks who do it and video games.

As far as I can tell, both males and females share an equal interest in the kind of music guaranteed to drive an adult out of her mind. However, I have never observed a male screaming hysterically or fainting during a rock concert. Females scream, while males tend to express themselves through graffiti, tagging, or better yet, playing their ghetto blasters at full volume while cruising through the neighborhood.

Parents, Psuedo Adults & Weirdos

Then, there are those adolescents who choose to join the exclusive club of scholastic whiz kids, nerds, book worms or socially responsible pseudo-adults. (This particular variety of adolescents are the ones parents hold up as model youths or as perfect ladies and gentlemen) Parents often suffer under the delusion that comparing their recalcitrant children to a more accomplished, or obedient teen will improve their childs performance.

Even less comprehensible, is the parental belief that their hormone ridden, confused and possibly insane teen will benefit from endless recitations of what it was like, "when I was your age." Like myself, you might suffer for years with questions of who you are or where you fit in until you settle for the role of outsider, weirdo, strange or troubled youth.

Some time during the Middle Ages, at a family gathering, my parents discussed the troubles my siblings got into during their teens. We chuckled over my brother and his friends literally painting the high school walls red, and the time my sister and her friends decided to create a raw egg collage on a neighbors front door. Half way through the recitation of her progeny's; transgressions, my mother stopped and looked at me..
"Elainna never did anything like that," she exclaimed.
"That's because she never hung out with anybody," my brother said.
"I wonder why?" my mother responded
and although twenty years had passed since I abandoned my fruitless attempts to fit in, I felt like hiding under the table. I was one of those kids who never quite made the grade when it came to peer group selection, nerdism, or socially responsible, miniature adultism.

Miniature Adultism

The raising phenomenon of miniature adultism may be tied to increased expectations of economic gain and the advent of two career households. It is allied with the slightly absurd expectation that an adolescent is capable of selecting an adult profession and handling the home front while her parents are out pursuing their respective careers. Miniature adultism is also tied to an over blown optimism regarding the nurturing capacity of baby sitters and day care centers, along with diminished expectations of marital stability.

Women are no longer content to tie their economic status to that of their husbands and often choose to dispense with the husband all together. This results in increased economic pressures on the family; so parental care giving themes take second place to bringing in the bacon.

The miniature adult, or the adolescent who is willing to assume responsibility for nurturing her siblings or Self is the outcome. Such children often assume more responsibility for their own and the family's emotional well being, than the parent they are standing in for. In all probability, these miniature adults will either be very successful when it comes to pursuing an adult career or will end up as emotional burn outs, workaholics, co-dependents or a combination of the above.

I have yet to met a teenager who doesnt believe she is as mature and knowledgeable as any adult. Hence, it is no wonder that miniature adultism is a popular alternative to adolescent frivolity. I suspect the raise in teenage pregnancies, the number of young girls choosing to keep their infants, and the increase of young people living on the streets, are extreme examples of miniature adultism. The one thing they have in common is a willingness to prove their adult status by assuming an adult role. The role of caregiver in the case of adolescent mothers and that of self-sufficient entrepreneurs in the case of street kids are examples of this phenomena.

Independence or Delusion

Since independence and self-sufficiency are highly valued in our society, it is no wonder that increasing numbers of adolescents are rejecting the comfort and relative security of their parents homes, for the adventure of the streets or parenthood. However, these options are, in my opinion, symptoms of madness. The delusion of premature adulthood, of adolescent independence and autonomy are the result of confusing sexual development, and role playing, with mature experience and personal integrity.

It is unlikely to expect an adolescent to acknowledge her lack of adult experience or understanding. When I was 14 my father said," Surely you dont think you are an adult yet?" Being a Pleaser, I gave him the answer he wanted, but internally, I knew different. Of course I was an adult! It was just that my parents didnt know who I really was! Im not sure I could have defined exactly who or what I was during that stage in my life. However, I did know that I was sexually attractive, relatively intelligent and most definitely, not a child!.

Like many of my peers, I found adolescence a profoundly confusing, painful, and frightening experience. I hid my feelings behind a number of masks and by age 14 I had almost convinced myself that being an adult meant wearing the right kind of face and playing the right kind of game. It took me years to realize how false this assumption was and even more years to put the masks on or take them off .